thank you, jexa .

i sent him a txt. i said sorry im difficult to connect with, that i know no one likes me in a meaningul way & that i dont want to waste his time anymore if we dont have a connection so to cancel next week's appt. he replied saying no need to apologise & that he had to tell me because that's likely how others would see me also and that he would keep my spot open if i changed my mind.

anyway, i'm giving up. if that's how people see me then so be it. i dont have the energy to keep trying anymore. i see pdoc on wednesday and will talk it over with him but he's a good person to me so he'll make it ok.