You have a lot of insight into your problems, and insight shows you know yourself and your relation to yourself is growing..do you journal? I go to an online journal aboutmylife.net and I write..you guessed it about my life!! I agree you could be writer and maybe a journal will help what's deep down emerge into the light, where it can be seen and understood..I know what you mean when you wrote about your therapist's response and you so wanted it to be different that's hard, I reada book where you become your OWN therapist then the response is exactly as you want and desire. I was raped too and it helps to talk and or write about it, you are brave. I know what you mean about the life you desire deep down I always try to battle with life, LIFE STOP THAT EMERGE THIS WAY NOT THAT WAY..it is sad that you may never get the life you truly want deep down but there is a chance you still will. I just had to respond to your post it also touched me deep down. Thank you for just being you.