Deli
You've gotten a lot of good feedback here.
My heart aches for you.
I don't have a lot to add, and for some reason I am feeling like I am being bothersome when I reply to your threads.
I'm sure that is just my mind working funny today? I hope so.
Anyway....I just wanted to give you a couple impressions I had when reading your posts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by deliquesce
i dont want to go back. i know im wasting his time.
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My T would say THAT ^^ is mind reading.
(at me and T, not you)
Quote:
Originally Posted by deliquesce
are you eating, how many hours are you sleeping, are you getting out of the apartment, how have you been feeling, can you tell me more feelings etc.
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Maybe he is overly concerned? Maybe he has been thinking of you and wondering about all of these things, and so when he saw you all of these questions poured out? IDK - just a different way to look at it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by deliquesce
i told him to stop with the 20 questions and so he said, "ok, just one question" and asked me something i dont remember but it was beside the point - it was still him putting me on the hotseat. and i tried to tell him that so he said what did i want to talk about and that he would sit there in silence until i was ready to tell him something and then he could respond. and then i started crying and that's when he told me he found it hard to connect to me. and he said it's because i hold everything back but how could i start talking when he'd just said that?
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This stinks. He handled this kind of badly, IMO.
What is up with that?
Quote:
Originally Posted by deliquesce
i had been looking forward to this session because i needed it and i just feel like it made everything worse.
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Maybe sometimes in therapy, things have to get worse before they can get better? Not to be nonchalant about it, but so much of what I read on this forum is extremely painful sessions, people having trouble opening up to T, having misunderstandings and wanting to quit (Me included) - this doesn't mean that all is hopeless and that therapy has to end. Maybe just that you and austin-T need to work past this problem, and try to keep going. I don't think any part of how he acted was coming from a place of him not caring about you, or wanting to help you, even though it did come off that way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by deliquesce
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deliquesce
i sent him a txt. i said sorry im difficult to connect with, that i know no one likes me in a meaningul way & that i dont want to waste his time anymore if we dont have a connection so to cancel next week's appt. he replied saying no need to apologise & that he had to tell me because that's likely how others would see me also and that he would keep my spot open if i changed my mind.
anyway, i'm giving up. if that's how people see me then so be it. i dont have the energy to keep trying anymore. i see pdoc on wednesday and will talk it over with him but he's a good person to me so he'll make it ok.
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I REALLY don't think it is wise to quit via a text.
I don't know much about anything, but all I can say is when I quit in an email after a really bad session, it felt awful and unresolved and I was glad I went back, even if it was just one last session, to say how I felt and what went wrong.
Sorry, I guess I had more to add than I thought but please ignore me if I am way off base.
(((((Deli)))))