My Support Forums - View Single Post - I'm afraid that my T will be disappointed in me...

mixedup_emotions · Mar 29, 2010, 06:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bloom3

(((((((((mixed)))))))))

mixed, i think your expectations of yourself are a big part of what is making this so hard. i've read where you've talked about the abuse you've suffered and you've really endured some horrible, horrible things that no one should ever have to endure. unfortunately, these experiences have had a big impact on how you now relate to people, so i don't think you can expect yourself to just be able to start setting boundaries perfectly and know how to handle every situation just so. what i'm trying to say is that it is going to take time for you to learn how to do these things, lots of time and that is okay. so, if you can somehow try to cut yourself some slack i think it will actually help you get where you want to go faster than being hard on yourself. sure, it would be great if we all knew how to handle these difficult people in our lives perfectly but we weren't given the tools nor had the skills modeled to us. there is just no way for you to know how to do this yet as well as i know you'd like to. it's ok to mess up and it is part of the process that we all go through. it is just like how you taught your daughter how to walk. i'm sure she fell down many times but she did learn to walk with your encouragement and support. please be gentle and kind to yourself sweetie.

Thanks, bloom....

It's hard to cut myself some slack after being so strong and resisting for a year. A whole year! And especially after all the discussions T and I had about how detrimental it would be to let my ex 'back in', how it would prolong the craziness a whole lot more, etc. Ugh.

My phone woke me up at an ungodly hour this morning due to texts that my ex was sending to me....it's been difficult, but I am doing the work to get back on track. It's hard. Very hard. He is pushing hard to resurrect a relationship....

I know I need to pick myself back up and focus on learning from this...how did I get to that weak place and what do I need to do so that I don't get to that place again - or how to handle the situation better if I do get to that place again.

At the moment, though, I am just incredibly drained....so, for today, I want to just rest my mind. I'm not sure I'll be able to do that, but I am going to try - or at least try to focus on the learning and moving forward instead of dwelling on the emotional pain from it all. I hope I can be successful with that.

After everything that happened, I am feeling proud that I at least did not resort to unhealthy ways of coping....even though the urges were strong at times.

I wish it wasn't Monday. I feel like I could sleep for a week...but no, I have to get to work....ugh.