No but I have an appointment on Thursday and I'm taking ADD medicine.

They say that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same results. So, maybe I just need to try something else.

But I keep getting this sneaking suspicion that i'm just not mature enough for college. That, I need to grow the **** up somehow.

i've been going to an AA group (no i dont drink) for support so I dont feel so crushingly lonely and it's been helping somewhat. It kept me from hurting myself on Friday, going to one of those meetings.

I dont know. Maybe working the 12 steps will help me, though I know my mother would never ever approve of me being around alcoholics.

I cant seem to make friends, i'm very isolated, and have little motivation.

Ahhh.

I wish everything would just change. like, POOF, be magically fixed and cured and I could just live life like a happy, normally motivated, person with a few friends she could confide in and if i am lucky find a nice boyfriend to love her.

A person who wasnt labled as being emotionally unstable, or lazy, or weird because she doesnt have any friends and her grades are poor and she exhibits weird behaviors like gesturing to herself, picking her forehead or drooling. (the last one I cant help)

That is my dream. That is my ideal. I dont need to get my Phd. I just...I need to learn to be an adult and live a normal happy life emotionally, intellectually and socially without going through periods where I just want to not exist and have to resist hurting myself by curling up into a little ball and trying not to cry.