I can relate Miracle 1986.

That was an issue for me as well. Partly psychological ~ my GYN recommended I do regular exercises and tell my (then) husband that I needed more time to become lubricated. I was advised to become emotionally comfortable with my body, so that the sexual experience could become more rewarding.

My physiological cause of the pain ~ adenomyosis ~ certainly did not help me overcome avoidance. That GYN did not even go into that area, as he saw my emotions being the main cause. In retrospect, I can see that the two causes were twined together in a knotted mess.

Allowing yourself to accept your body the way that it is, without coarse judgment, is an important obstacle for you to work on. I have the same general tendency to become disgusted by myself. The thoughts in that area aren't very romantic, or accepting of any pleasure. My task became to simply accept the way that I feel towards myself, rather than try to change it. I can then allow myself to feel some pleasure in life. I may not have changed my personal opinion towards myself, but I have chosen to not dwell upon the negative feelings that cross my mind.

Example: "God, I am so disgusting. I hate myself!...Okay...Yes, I do hate myself. Move on, Shez... Eric likes you. You like Eric. You want him to feel good..and be happy." And my thoughts move back onto sex.

I follow that same pattern of self talk whenever self-hate thoughts kick in. I acknowledge them ~ admit the way that I feel. But I also don't keep kicking myself. It takes practice, yes. But it's certainly worth it! Hopefully, someday, we'll be past those self-hate thoughts and won't have them at all. Wouldn't that be wonderful??! For now, we can simply accept that this is where we are and keep moving on.

Very best wishes to you and your hubby. Take care!