we can be silly mind readers together, then . thank you for the reassurance, sweetie.

see pdoc tomorrow. meds aren't working yet, and i'm frustrated because they worked so quickly (72hrs) last time. i slept most of yesterday (after i ran out of tissue boxes to snottingly cry my way through). i could sleep again but im not tired. i have uni later today - i dont want to go, but i probably should. i need to return some library books, i can't afford the fines. it's raining, else i'd sleep in the park. im open to suggestions, my ideas are out.

i think this would only work if he cared. if he doesnt care, then i'm wasting my time talking to someone who doesn't care that he messed up because i dont matter. i can see what you're saying, darkrunner, but i need to stop doubting myself with this. i spent two years with my old-therapist telling myself he didn't care but trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. he ended up being a turd. i don't think austin-t is unethical (and the last guy probably wasnt either, not deeply unethical, just borderline narcissistic) but i need to start listening to myself more, i think. i keep trying with relationships that are dead and i need to stop wasting my energy on that. austin-t has told me that what we have is dead, so no point going back and not relating.

jexa, don't feel bad!! you're right, you know - i want to feel heard, more than anything, really. the advice is helpful but it's not as important to me as someone hearing me. the hugs mean a million .