Hi again, Sophia! If there's one thread I see running through your last few posts, it's that you're trying to apply someone else's standards to yourself, not feeling much like meeting those standards, and cracking down on yourself for it, apparently to little avail:
By any chance, could some of the above be an indirect statement to, oh, your mom for instance? I was wondering where you could be getting those standards you're beating yourself up with, and I couldn't help noticing this part:

If your mom had some kind of problem with you being yourself (or, worse, being who she feared you might turn out to be -- everything she didn't like about herself, perhaps), one thing she might do about that would be to push you to keep meeting her standards: do your homework on time, have lots of friends, and stay away from alcoholics. Then, if you went along with the program, she could breathe a sigh of relief that she'd saved you from being like her. She'd take credit, of course, and you might be left wondering why, although you'd apparently done everything right, you weren't getting much satisfaction from it and didn't quite feel like yourself. Right now it might look to you as if the only way to be even remotely yourself, might be to be more or less the opposite of who your mother wants you to be.

Therapy sounds like the place to start sorting this out for yourself.