Believe it not by staying married I benefit in ways his health insurance will cover me and my kids (his stepchildren until age 23...now 26 with the new health care reform in the U.S.) so even though my emotions are destroyed with him having a live in GF she gets all the benefits of a wife,fed,clothed,loved etc. I get the other benefits she will not ...insurance,if he died god forbid the house they live in (which is both our names,his life ins at work,if we stay married another 3 and a half years a bigger soc sec check can collect on his since I am disabled) I know those reasons are weird,crazy,selfish whatever anyone might think reading this ..I can't afford not to stay married in some ways ...He probably stays married to me as an excuse not to marry her or again in his head....maybe a twinge of guilt he owes me somehow or feels I could take him for half the house,alimoney etc.the longer we are married etc..

Not sure although I somehow believe things could be a little shakey with them (not that he would come back to me if they broke up mind you...he's probably be to stubborn to admit any mistake)He and I recently had breakfast (to split our tax return money)he showed me a stress test report knowing I could read them and he has some coronary artery disease and his doc gave him a script for nitro for angina attacks and isosorbide he gets chest pain .He's all of 44 must have more stress than before...

I am actually concerned for him,told him to let me know how his visit next week goes with the cardio doc..

I still want a magical eraser that can just erase those deeper feelings for him grrrr
I actually asked my psychologist about any alternative therapies she said she had attended some seminars on something called EMDR that looked great for things like chronic pain,insomnia and other things not sure on the feelings thing though ...
I am going to seriously look more into it.