Quote:
Originally Posted by xxAmyxx
I have had OCD problems all my life.
When I was younger I would have to touch a certain number of things in a store or something bad would happen. I would have to fall asleep with the covers a certain way for the same reason. Touch my lamp a certain number of times before it "felt right".
The night time ones I have pretty much eliminated but there are some that just irk me to no end.
When in a store I still do that touching thing. If I see something and I think something about it and think "oh I should show this to the person I am with." If I don't it will bug me and I will have to go back and show the person (even if we are 2 isles away from the item itself). If I don't I just won't "feel right."
I also have this problem when I am showering with my boyfriend. We have a routine that we do taking turns with the beam of water. The other day I stood there until he was finished because he wouldn't take turns. This enraged me because it was messing up my routine. It literally messed up my whole day. I told him about it and he understands but sometimes I think he thinks that I am making this stuff up.
It also happens when me and my boyfriend have to pack up to go somewhere. If I can not physically help with the packing it drives me nuts and makes me angry. I have to make sure everything is packed and triple check it. I am always afraid I will leave something.
I tend to obsessively check door locks as well.
The thing that drive me the most nuts is when I touch a certain body part of mine I will have to touch the opposite. I do it the most with my eye brows. I will smooth one out and then have to do the other. If it doesn't feel right I will have to do it again. I want to stop but my brain keeps telling me "Nope keep doing this. It isn't right yet."
I sometimes feel like a lot of people think I just make up this stuff. I tell them "please don't do this it messes with my OCD" and they look at me like I am crazy.
I don't like feeling like things aren't right just because of some routine I didn't get to do.
|
Hi Amy having recently read your post on your dilemma surrounding ocd,I totally empaphize with you as this so called crippling ritualising can often dominate our every day routine.However i would stress that youre not an isolated person as far as symptons are concerned and as for people understanding this, it is an unchartered journey on its own as we have to take and carry ourselves through it swiftly and having self compassion and kindness onto ourselves.My whole unchartered journey through ocd has been a see saw ride also with many rituals and compulsions, some stay with me and others are just taken over by more powerful ones, but I guess thats were I sometimes find a glimmer of hope when the minor ones disappear.I too have parallel symptons like you and I would constantly have this competetive game happening inside my head, such as counting to a certain amount of numbers before I get to a certain destination,and go back and break my own record,and also try and count to a certain amount of numbers before I get to a set of traffic light before it changes colour(just to mention a few). Please dont despair, and you shouldnt have to be harsh on yourself in having to dignify yourself diplomatically to others as long as they are supportive of you. May I also suggest (in event youre not aware) that perhaps some cognitive behavioural therapy may have some impact in desensitizing some of these rituals,as I believe that although it may not necessarily be a cure but it perhaps may minimize some of the burden your dealing with.Take care and wish you all the best in health Amy.
