I have settled on "no meaning" for now. I decided that after all of the false structure I have seen collapse, and after realizing that I can't tolerate the messages of religion with my tendency for psychosis. I went through a time when I felt for years like I was drowning in a storm of meaninglessness full of terror at the idea of meaninglessness. Finally I decided to choose it, to choose to step into the fear. It took a year of long walks before the fear began to abate. It's still present, but not to the point of terror and drowning. Now I'm on the ocean, in a boat, and the storm is mostly gone.