(((((((((((((Deli)))))))))))))

You should never ever ever ever have been treated that way.
Your poor mum and dad must be very sick - and I say 'poor' not because I am excusing them or sympathizing with them, but they must be so sick and twisted inside their own heads to be able to mistreat and abuse someone as dear and sweet and precious and lovely as YOU are, Deli.

Like others have said, I am outraged for you.

I do understand your attachment to your Dad.
He is very crafty, and has brainwashed you in a way, so you believe that you have to depend on him.
It is controlling and manipulative, and is just as bad as the physical abuse. And it is SO confusing for you.
On sunday I was wishing my perp would email me! And then I felt sick for wishing it, and thought about why I wanted it, and realized I liked how he made me feel when I was with him, and thought about how I could get that feeling elsewhere in my life, and realized I couldn't. It made me feel sad empty and awful. So maybe I understand a tiny bit of what YOU are going through.

You are so brave and you are working so hard.
What you are doing is not easy, but you are DOING it.
Please don't give up on finding a right therapist - whether it is Austin-T or someone else. I so wish I could reach through the computer and drag you to my house, where I would wrap you in a blanket, give you a cup of tea, cookies, and my stuffed spotted leopard to hold, look you in the eyes and tell you how worthy and cared for you are.
I am holding you in my heart today.