This is the way things go. It's also the reason married ppl need to guard their hearts, or they will be stolen (sometimes by ppl who don't really care.) I would say you might consider making these 2 different issues. YOU need to stop having ANY contact with the "helper" girl, first. THEN see if you want to work on your marriage, or to chuck it all. If you and your wife decide you don't wish to put the effort into putting it back together, then end it. IF you do end it, then you can contact the girl. But I wouldn't continue the relationship with the girl while pretending to work on your marriage... you won't be fooling anyone. Also, think about this: some girls don't "want" the guy unless he's married. It's their sickness that makes it a game, break up a marriage and leave laughing. IMO you feel guilty because you are... you have cheated on your wife mentally. This girl is providing a caring relationship that you should be receiving from your wife only. But this is more fixable than allowing it to go further, imo.

I suspect that if your wife had ONLY the concerns in her life that your girlfriend does, that your wife would be as desirable to you as the girlfriend.

I wish you well in these decisions. TC