If you feel different emotions inside, what do you think about this idea. Write a 'no send' letter - no holds barred. Or pretend he's sitting in a chair and tell him how you really feel? Sit down and do some deep breathing and imagine you're on the verge of losing him and get in touch with those emotions. This might enable you to be receptive to these feelings. *Don't do this if you think this is going to upset you deeply though.