Deli,

I haven't been on this forum long, but I just wanted to write and offer some support.

Messy and complicated emotions about family...*sigh*...I can totally relate to how you are feeling. Those kinds of feelings can be so confusing....especially the father stuff, and ...I don't know i just feel kinda the same way you do and I know you are working on it and I am too and sometimes when i'm feeling down or hurt, it can feel like...

It can feel like there are few people who can be trusted and loved in the world, and it makes me want to cling to people who seem to cause both love and pain. Because i feel like i need to get love, wherever I can get it, and take it when it comes.

But that hard kind of love, it comes with such a high price. Emotionally and mentally, that kind of love just wears me out eventually. But its hard not to want it, or go back to it because it seems so true to me.

But i try to keep reminding myself, it's no good for me. There are people out there who will love me without making me feel crappy.

And I think your Austin-T was out of line and for me, I have 15 feet concrete walls up 99% of the time, and it's like that is the whole POINT of the walls ---to keep out those who aren't really wanting to come in and be here with me. So when I feel threatened and someone acts like i'm all hard to know or whatever it just confirms that I didn't want them getting in there in the first place.

I don't know if this is helpful at all, but I'm sorry that your Austin T is acting like that, and it's just sooo totally about him and his issues as a T. And i am so happy for you because you are doing so well and overcoming so much to be where you are in life right now. I don't know your whole story but what i do know of it, makes you kinda amazing.

Love for Deli