dfh, i'm sorry you're in a position where you 'get it' because of similar experiences. what you said about it being the whole point of walls - yes!! i dont get how pointing out that you're difficult to connect with would somehow make you more willing to try. cack.

what you said: "There are people out there who will love me without making me feel crappy". is that something you really believe? something that you've found to be true for you? i know i am very cynical (that's another wall i put up) but i find it hard to believe there is someone out there who will love me without making me feel crappy. sure, there are people out there who love other people without making them feel bad, but i doubt one of those good people will ever find me worthy to love-without-hurt. i've done enough hoping and i don't want to hope anymore because i've been let down too many times.

sorry this is wet blanket, dfh. i do appreciate so much that you wrote, even though we don't know each other very well. i don't want to come across as mean when you've been so kind to me. but you also get the wall thingy, so maybe you're someone who can get what i'm saying here and not give me a flippant "i just know it! someone will come along!" answer. there are too many beautiful people in this world who are lonely, and i dont even think i'm a beautiful person, so i find those "don't worry" answers very hard to believe.