Oh geez....
Well since you asked, I guess i will say it. I just don't really know.

And i'm flippin' married.

But, having said that, my H is kind of broken too. But he is a kind man and he loves me. We've been together for a long time, and there is a world inside of me that he doesnt know.

But I THINK he would love me (all of me) if i let him in and i'm working on trusting him, and trusting T.

But the thing is, I haven't EVER been honest with anyone, ever ! Like, it's almost ridiculous. So sometimes I think i wouldn't know love if it walked up to me and begged me to let it love me. I'd be all like "what's the angle? what does it want from me?" and would run in the other direction. Or manipulate it or be rude or it or someting, b/c i was afraid of it.

The prospect of trust and love and being honest and committed is terrifying...but also I feel like i have to try...SOMEHOW. He doesn't even know a fraction of my history or issues or the walls, and I wonder why he is with me, all the time.

And why he wants to be with someone whom he doesn't even really know inside...But that is part of why we are together, sometimes i think...2 broken people just trying to get by and slowly working to be honest with each other.

So i guess maybe I think there isn't anyone who will just accept me as-is, love with all the love ...which is a source of great pain.

But I do have my H, and he loves what he knows of me...and i love what i Know of him, and he's all broken inside and hurt and we just try to meet in the middle without destroying each other or totally pushing each other away every second.

But it's very hard.

Your message isn't a wet blanket I liked what you asked me. I like to think about it.