This sounds like avoidance of reality? The only way is through and this is through reality, acceptance of reality. This also goes along with your cycle that you described in your post. When the thoughts come it sounds like you do the avoidance thing and tell yourself that you shouldn't be where you are at? Try stopping that right off the bat? You are where you are for good reasons. Accept where you are at. It sounds counterproductive to expect yourself to not be where you are at. When the doubts come don't try to fight them and send them off. Try to understand why you are having them?