after all these years after my uncle SA me, i finally contacted my Aunt who i have always been close to. i told her about him--not details, just that he did when i was around 14 or 15 and on and when i was about 5 or 6. she said she believed me and that she believes he was capable of doing that. and the timing all fits together.
relief that i am finally believed by someone in the family. (she wishes i didn't wait so many years--she was also abused--by her grandfather--and no one believed her).
total panic and anxiety and sad and mad and i am once again dissolving away. T is out of town till we see her Tues. Do i try to stay present and deal or do i let my emotionally deficient alter keep things at a calm non feeling level till Tues.
i don't know if i can allow the memories to come--not alone here anyway.
w_i