It's been a little while so I thought I would check in and post an update. I have now been working with my new pdoc for 2 weeks and been on Cymbalta for 11 days (switched from Lexapro) and I am starting to feel different. The depressed me is scared to acknowledge the change because of what happened with the Lexapro - I started to feel awesome after about 3 weeks on Lexapro and then *poof*, at about 2 1/2 months the magic wore off and the depression became worse. But, I am trying to be optimistic and to enjoy this change in myself because I am starting to remember me and it's been a while since I knew this person.

My hubby took some time off this past weekend and decided that he'd had enough of me feeling sorry for me and that it was time to get me out of the house. We went out and all over the city doing things we haven't done in a long time. We went to the museum, out for dinners and he spoiled me rotten with retail therapy. It's amazing what a bit of retail therapy can do for a woman!!! Love that husband of mine.

What's more amazing is that in between all of that I got sick, and I do mean sick (bronchitis) but even that isn't bringing me down. I saw a doctor, got some meds and I'm coughing but surviving. Even just a week ago, I would have cried for hours..."why me..."

So all of this gives me hope. But there is still a bit of darkness. This morning I started thinking about the future and when I might return to work. That brought on instant anxiety. My breathing got really fast and shallow and panic started to set in. But, unlike before, I was able to catch it before it became a full fledged attack and I decided to put it all down on paper so I would have it documented to discuss in my next session with my pdoc.

I am truly amazed at what a difference 2 weeks can make. I only hope that this time the meds continue to work and don't give up on me the way Lexapro did. My doctor assures me that these meds are much stronger and will work better, but only time will tell. I have to make sure I'm strong enough to handle whatever comes my way and while I'm feeling better I continue to work with my pdoc on skills that will help me cope differently (he uses CBT) so that if I do go downhill again, maybe I'll react differently? But that's the depressed person talking again. Optmisim!!!!! I will continue to get better. I have to. Enough is enough, I want to be me again. I want to be healthy and happy, I like being this person so much better and it gives me hope.