My friend whom I recently got back in touch with contacted me again today. I keep thinking about T saying that it sounds like "I've found something else" keeps haunting me because I've heard it as, "you can leave now as you've found something else".

Its wierd because having this friend back again certainly does make me feel "full" and when I feel that my "need" for T is nothing like it normally is when I live an isloated life. Part of me can't believe that this is possible, I certainly didnt understand the blessings of having good friends before therapy, everyone was just a nothing, my adoptive mothers narcissim was my only example of spritual experience growing up, so I never learnt to feel what it means to care about people. Being with T has awakened that feeling and its the first time outside my husband and children that I've really felt safe to extend this.

T obviously knew this when I told her about this renewed friendship and thats what she meant by the "having found something else" statement. I still get afraid and have to keep checking in my mind that T is still there for me, but I cant deny that I also am enjoying this having something else too.

Today would have been the last session of the easter break but I turned it down when she offered it to me last week and after my friend phoned me today I felt just as good as I would have done if I had gone to T and for a moment my head wanted to deny this, because of the fear of loosing T if I find someone else to fulfill me in life.

How scary this individualising stages are, how amazing that children when having good enought parenting go through this stages and here I am a 48yr old woman and feeling the fear of a 3yr old whose enjoyed perhaps a few hours away from "mum" with other children at playsch perhaps?