Everyone keeps saying, this horrible event, you are all trying to validate my feelings, and I just.. it just doesn't sit. I just feel like you all must not really understand that I didn't even have my clothes off or anything. Do you really all understand that?

I don't know.. ugh, maybe I am just in a bad place right now. Sannah I like what you had to say. Stuffing, avoiding, running away.. none of this is going to work.

I guess it's just that the aftermath of telling is worse than anything I ever went through. Telling has caused me more pain than anything grandpa ever did. And the pain that I feel the most is not the pain of the child who lost her innocence, but the pain of the adult whose family was torn apart because she told a secret a long time ago. And I just keep thinking, I could have prevented myself this pain, I could have found a way to get grandpa to stop, I never even tried to tell him to stop. Isn't this guilt legitimate?