I have been feeling persistant depression for weeks now... I think I started to feel depressed when I see a guy I like at work and I was afraid of those feelings and didn't know how to deal with those feelings and I kind of denied them and it became depression. I think I also lost myself and don't know who I am. So, now I seem to be in a depressed state and can't get out of it. It's not like depression that comes and go. It's like a persistent state of mind that is not normal. I think I tend to repeat myself a lot and can't seem to be on the same page as others when they talk to me.. you know...and causes my behavior to be weird and not normal either.. I think I am still in denial of something, of some of my feelings and emotions but I don't understand why I can't get out of it?? Does anyone know? Could it be because feelings are not rational and have no reason, that's why I can't get out of it?? Do you know how I can get out of it? And do you know why I would deny what I feel for a guy I like?? I'm not very young though, I'm in my thirties.. I also went to church and but at the church, I also didn't want to open up or something and that causes more depression or something... I don't understand why I am doing this to myself.. I like the guy but I denied my feelings and then I became depressed and now I can't be with him anymore.. I don't understand why I am in such a confused state. On one hand I like the guy, on the other hand, I am afraid and don't know how to deal with my feelings for him and so I suppress them and that became depression... I don't know why I am in such contradictory state? This is the same with opening up myself to others.. it's like I don't want to open myself to others for fear of something but if I don't do that, then I would be depressed... ? Why do I do that?
Thanks.