Quote:
Originally Posted by jexa
Everyone keeps saying, this horrible event, you are all trying to validate my feelings, and I just.. it just doesn't sit. I just feel like you all must not really understand that I didn't even have my clothes off or anything. Do you really all understand that?
I don't know.. ugh, maybe I am just in a bad place right now. Sannah I like what you had to say. Stuffing, avoiding, running away.. none of this is going to work.
I guess it's just that the aftermath of telling is worse than anything I ever went through. Telling has caused me more pain than anything grandpa ever did. And the pain that I feel the most is not the pain of the child who lost her innocence, but the pain of the adult whose family was torn apart because she told a secret a long time ago. And I just keep thinking, I could have prevented myself this pain, I could have found a way to get grandpa to stop, I never even tried to tell him to stop. Isn't this guilt legitimate?
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I have read your posts of what happened. I understand what you have said. And I still think that it is not your fault. I still think that this is completely your grandfather's fault. Even the pain you are in now is his fault. The guilt you feel is understandable. But that does not make it your guilt to hold! Your grandfather should be holding this guilt. All of the guilt. The guilt you have been holding for telling and the pain you feel about the disruption of your family. This is
all his, none of it is yours. You may feel it. And I can't take that pain away from you (I wish I could.) But it is not your fault. Not any of it. What he did was wrong! Remember this link from the other night in chat.
http://www.yesican.org/definitions/WHO.html Check it out when you question the truth about whether what he did was wrong or not. He is responsible for all of the fall out from what he did. There are things that are supposed to be told. Child abuse is one of those things. We will continue to tell you as long as you need to hear it.
Safe hugs if you want them.