Hello, Shangrala. In your profile, you say: "Respect for all, starting with self." I question whether you respect yourself. As I recall, you have not sought professional help to deal with, "Was sexually abused by a family member as a child, and psychologically neglected by mom throughout upbringing."

In order to demonstrate you are not jealous, you tell someone you love to distract himself with a companion and blame pride for not telling him how hurt you are because he did what you asked him to do. How bizarre.

I expect tucked back in your subconscious you believe you are damaged goods unworthy of his love and companionship. Please consider seeing a psychiatrist for an evaluation and any appropriate treatment that is indicated.

Good luck.