IndigoD,

My wife had an affair and I found out a little over 10 months ago. I can tell you that for the first two weeks after finding out I was numb. I am now going through the grieving process, which is normal.

You will be sad, angry, hopeful, in denial, and every emotion in between. If you are to be able to heal and move forward with your husband you (he) is going to have to man up and be able to discuss it with you. You have the right to ask him any questions you want and he should answer them honestly.

You shoud remember that HE and HE alone cause you this pain. You are responsible for your part in the marriage not being the best it could be, but he is 100% responsible for the affair. He made a conscious choice to break his vows to you and cheat.

If you guys dont talk this out I dont see how you can move forward. He has to figure out why he lacks boundries and allowed himself to cheat. Dont feel bad for how you feel. You need to know he is truly remorseful and he should visibly show it.

To this day I'm mad as hell and thats okay. I am working towards saving my marriage, but honestly I dont know if it will work. I dont look at life the same anymore or my marriage. Its like my wife is a stranger and I never knew her at all. The marriage we once had is gone and we have to start brand new.

Love yourself and dont settle. Life is too short. Do the work, try to save your marriage if your hearts in it, but dont settle. And if he wont work on himself in therapy, he will probably cheat again. Be good to you.