Quote:
Originally Posted by jexa
I guess it's just that the aftermath of telling is worse than anything I ever went through. Telling has caused me more pain than anything grandpa ever did. And the pain that I feel the most is not the pain of the child who lost her innocence, but the pain of the adult whose family was torn apart because she told a secret a long time ago. And I just keep thinking, I could have prevented myself this pain, I could have found a way to get grandpa to stop, I never even tried to tell him to stop. Isn't this guilt legitimate?
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You feel guilty for causing an upset in your family. I feel guilty for not speaking up, for not doing something when I had the chance. I always wonder, "what if I had done more to get myself heard?" What if my brother has another opportunity to hurt another young girl all because I failed to speak up?
Really, it is a lose-lose situation. If you say something, then your closest family turns on you; if you remain silent, you turn on yourself. Either way, the pain is just as real, so the guilt seems just as plausible. But you're fooling yourself into taking responsibility for someone else's actions. Your
grandfather caused that pain, not you. How could you prevent the thoughts and actions of another person? All you can do is be brave even when no one else is willing to listen...