Quote:
Originally Posted by TheByzantine
Hello, Shangrala. In your profile, you say: "Respect for all, starting with self." I question whether you respect yourself. As I recall, you have not sought professional help to deal with, "Was sexually abused by a family member as a child, and psychologically neglected by mom throughout upbringing."
In order to demonstrate you are not jealous, you tell someone you love to distract himself with a companion and blame pride for not telling him how hurt you are because he did what you asked him to do. How bizarre.
I expect tucked back in your subconscious you believe you are damaged goods unworthy of his love and companionship. Please consider seeing a psychiatrist for an evaluation and any appropriate treatment that is indicated.
Good luck.
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Thanks Byz~
And yes, this is bizarre, as it is so unlike me to behave in that sense.
I don't think I was actually blaming pride for it, though. I was questioning if it could be that because....I'm not sure?..lol.
I did a lil soul searching yesterday. And I actually acted upon Lynn's suggestion. I wrote a lengthy 5 page letter addressed to him (without the intentions of sending).
Odd how, I started it in the morning and lead into the afternoon as I was having such difficulty writing such a randomized "journal" of emotions, as though I couldn't even admit it to myself.
It helped me greatly...lol, once I got past the fear of putting it all in text.
What helped even more was the fact of actually giving it to him to read.
After many hours of discussions, we've concluded that pride has nothing to do with my behavior, but fear..of a LOT of things. And as always, he lovingly reassures me to try to relax some and seek the necessary assistance that I feel I may need.
Thanks again.
Shangrala
