I'm not a sex therapist, but am speaking from personal experience.

I had similar problems, the effect was me dissociating & simply doing my job to please the man. Almost every guy would have sworn that I enjoyed what I was doing. But I didn't. And I sure didn't want to let him know that I wasn't enjoying it. Why? I saw it as a job to please my man.

After 20 years of lies, I am now with a man who takes his time. And I really mean takes his time! Trust me...that seriously gets us going in a safe relationship. He and I have spent hours simply kissing. Hugging, rubbing, etc. It feels electric! That gets me very into the experience. A couple of times, we've left it at that. Every other time, we move onto sex (oral and/or penetration).

I am on top and in charge of the lovemaking ~ which works against dissociation too. I've stopped once or twice because I couldn't focus on enjoyment. That was okay. (Yes, my guy is very understanding. I know!) Nine out of ten times have been spectacular for both of us though, which is amazing!! It's definitely worth that one time (or two) that we've had to stop.