I dont know if this might trigger. Be cautious I guess? I dont go into detail about anything anyway.

13 days until I see T for the first time.
I am losing it. I am just getting worse, last night. I was sooo freaked out, I felt like I wasnt in the present..I wasnt having memories I wasnt "going" anywhere but I just felt CRAZY. I felt like any moment I would snap. And dont laugh at me but I couldnt calm down until I like...sucked my thumb like a baby and fell asleep. Today, I left my house GOING CRAZY. This guy was unloading things from some truck and It made me jump everytime I heard the boxes go down. Then I felt like my wrists were being tightened, because my dad used to hold me up by my wrists when he was ready to hurt me. Then my neck started tingling and hurting when I heard someone loudly close thier door, because my dad used to hold my neck, Im so scared. I have NEVER EVER EVER been this paranoid in my life!, I mean have always been afraid of my mothers "angry" voice or hearing her near my room...sometimes that triggers, sometimes things trigger...but its just getting worse and worse its not just from the abuse with my dad its all the other people that hurt me and its just piling up!!!!! and thank God I havent had anything "full blown" since a few days ago, but Im just exploding.

I havent even seen this T before, what am I supposed to do, run into her office the first time , completely break "protocol" and just plead with her to help me like some mad woman! ARGH Idkkkk!!

I know no one here can really do anything, but I just think maybe if I post aobut this I will just forget about it until I see my T. I want people to think im "calm collected and intelligent" or "happy go-lucky" BUT MY MASKS ARENT WORKING. I need to pull myself together so I dont make a fool of myself! omg!