I feel guilty sometimes, but I try to remember that if I hadn't gotten accepted I would probably not be alive now. I wouldn't have had any way to get treatment and meds and everything, and I would have been stuck living with my parents, and if that had been the case I most likely would have died by sui. I've been on it for a lot of years now, but I keep hoping that someday I'll be well enough to work again, even if it's only a few hours a week. Or maybe I will be able to volunteer and help others. In some way I will find a way to do something positive in this life. Sorry if I don't make sense, my thoughts are a little jumbled tonight.
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From the movie The Hours: "If I were thinking clearly, Leonard, I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark, and that only I can know. Only I can understand my condition. You live with the threat, you tell me you live with the threat of my extinction. Leonard, I live with it too."