My Support Forums - View Single Post - This is what we are trying to work out. any insight?

Hunny · Apr 02, 2010, 02:17 AM

((((((( Anderson )))))))

Please overlook the psycho-babble...

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=135927

I too wish I could keep this at the forefront of my:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showt...98#post1335098

Thanks for the reminder.

Here is hoping that the wicked will fall into their own nets, while you escape to safety. Let's say that you don't get drawn into any of their bad stuff and that some greater protection will always be around you.

Hunny

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Quote:

Originally Posted by anderson

Now we just had a conversation with one of the people that we do enjoy talking with. Now that we are integrating and sharing more memoirs the weight of those that clamed to want to protect us but still allow others to hurt is so hard for us to come to terms with.
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A couple of weeks ago a member of our church passed away. The fact that she had the right to choose to end the treatment and just accept hospice care. Started a debate in us. How can this woman have the ability to let go and be free. Yet those that know me so well can stop me from making the same choose are there to make sure that None of us succeed in taking the same path. To many of us this woman was more loved for the simple fact that this woman was allowed to seek refuge in the after life but Here This body and those that dwell within it can not seek the same refuge.
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We recited a quote that said the inquisitor has the right to decide if you live or die, for this person or people can foresee attempt of suicide and when seeking information these people can stop until the body can endure more without threat of lose of life.
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Because of the fact that the people that we trusted not to hurt us with their hands still allowed those to hurt us physically we are having a hard time trusting them. We told one person yesterday that even though you did not hurt us, the simple fact that we have been asking for protection for the past God only knows for how many years. The simple fact that no one took the time to give us a safe place to heal and grow is what makes it so hard to take them at their word.
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We do acknowledge the fact that during the last time when we were trying to fully integrate that we had problems reaching a group of alters. For the simple fact that at that time we had no woman willing to hurt us the way that some have hurt us here. But the simple fact that even if the alter was willing to be sexually active with a female. How can a self respecting person find self worth form become a town crier telling others about what took place between this body and another alter. The simple fact that the woman that clamed to have the longest relationship with this body also started it during a healing ceremony. …. regardless of the pros and cons if those that kiss and tell, Why would any one of us want to continue the relationship. Unless that person had install fear in that alter to make it groomed to meet that person needs out of self protection or for our son protection.
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Even here at the Aquaplex we still have to deal with those that clam certain things but at least those that we have to deal with may make our skin crawl but it is more from the lies they have told and what they have said to us to our face. Then the fear of them physically hurting us.
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We have people tell us to move on. Go to another town start over again. But when even our son tells us that no matter where we go it is still the same thing. Why should we think moving is the answer when we can not heal because that which makes us who we are will still be used against us.
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When we first moved here those that where aware of each other decided to make our stand to heal and grow. For us that meant that we would heal and allow the Great Spirit to bring that special person in our lives so that could have a second chance of having a real family. That we would be able to have children and have people around us not hold our blood line against us. This has been the inner dream that allowed those with in to endure all that we have endured. But the simple fact that what we had endured to keep our son safe is/was hopefully over with but instead it seems that there are those that still want to hold our past against us.
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So as you can see the inner trust issues are high. Our protectors are dealing with the fact that even with those that we trust not to physically hurt us but allow others to hurt us is a hard pill to swallow. When can you learn to trust any one if those that we feel comfortable with are not comfortable with us. Those men and women that we call Papa and Mama Bears are people that we feel safe with not to make sexually advances towards us. But because there are those that are telling them that we want that from them. It is not true granted there may have been a few alters that felt that in finding shelter from those hurting us. May have tried to find someone to keep us safe from more abuse. But now that we no longer need to keep our son safe none of us are looking for that kind of protection from the ones we call Papa and Mama Bears. WE just want it to end. The abuse, the feeling of not being able to make friends without others telling them to do certain things that hurt us. Life is complicated enough being a Multiple but when you have those that gain value in ruining another’s life just for the fact that person is different.
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But even to the that end . How do you tell a group of people that you want to trust. That You do want a new beginning but because the abuse and stress of others hurting you. That is what is making us keep our distance not the fact that we think that they will physically hurt us but the fact that each time we tried to make friends that some one hurt us to keep the inner walls up so that we could not heal until we made the choose to separate from other to help prevent the body from being hurt. There are those that are extending friendship to us here and now We only pray that like those here that understand that trust comes slowly even when we know logically that it is safe. The fact that we have been hurt so many times makes it hard for us to take things at face value from those around us.