((((Anderson)))) We understand how hard it is for someone to begin trusting again. We have the same problem. It is very difficult to trust anyone, whether they be worthy of our trust or not, after being abused so much. We have found that the only way to find out what someone will do with our trust is to try and trust and do everything in our power to keep us safe while testing out the unknown waters. It is something that we have not done very much because we have been burned so many times, but it is paying off. One of the things that we have found is that if we don't trust we are very lonely and scared and feel as if there is no support for us. This was not a good feeling. We needed others to help us and in order for us to do that we did have to start trusting. It was a slow process. The first person that we started trusting was our counselor. That was difficult and painful. He was a safe person to practice on though. During this process, he understood that we have been hurt so much and that it would take a while. We started out small and we didn't trust him very much. And we slowly started to see, he never hurt us or violated our trust. It has taken us a long time, about 9 months, to get to the point were we felt comfortable talking to him without questioning his motives or feeling like he would hurt us. We count ourselves lucky to have found such a wonderful supportive counselor that we could practice trust with. It seems like such a simple act, but for those lucky people who have never been abused or violated, they sometimes do not understand how hard it can be for us. We are here to support you, Anderson. We were so lucky to have found this forum. This is another great place to practice trust. We are so happy that you trust us enough to post problems or accomplishments that you have had. You have been a great inspiration to us and we appreciate your support. Practicing with us, here on the forum, may help you. We are proud of you Anderson for allowing us in to your thoughts and feelings, someplace we do not allow anyone into except our wonderful counselor. You have given us hope that eventually, we will be able to let others into our thoughts and feelings like you have. There is much strength to draw from here and we are grateful for it. If anything, please know that we appreciate you and if needs be please use that to strengthen yourself. There are two words that our counselor taught us. They have been invaluable: patience, yet. When we think that we are sliding backwards or we have come to an impass, he reminds us of those two words. When we went to a session and we blurted out that we were frustrated because we can't do things because of how much they hurt or because of our past, he never told us not to say can't because he understood that was how we felt at the time. If we tried and tried and were unable to do something, at the point of wanting to give up because we can't do it he reminds us that we can't do it YET. He reminds us that we need to be patient with ourselves and to keep trying because we can do anything that we want eventually. For those friends who would like to be close to you and help you out, if they are truly friends and truly want to help you out, they will understand/forgive your hesitation and be willing to allow you adequate time to be comfortable with the friendship. Just know that there are good people in the world, Anderson, and we have found some and pray that you are able to find some as well. In the meantime, remember that this is a safe place to come and find support and that part of your forum family here, us, back you 100%. We are sending good energy your way and safe hugs when ok. Hang in there.

Cris et al