shoez - I'm really glad to hear you have a therapy appointment set up. I know you have to wait a little while for it, but just think, things CAN start to get better from here. It will take a long time, you have a lot to work through but there is help for it and you can feel better than you do now.

I can see you're quite scared and freaked out. But just know that the days will pass quickly, you've been waiting this long and I know you can wait just a little bit longer. Try to talk to people in the mean time, friends/family or on here. It should make you feel a bit better to get things out.

I know it's tempting to wear a mask, but it's ok for the mask to slip, it's ok that sometimes you're not doing so well - anyone in your situation would be the same. It's not you as a person, it's the experiences you've been through, and you just need a little help to feel better.

You'll get there. Just try to calm down a little. Take deep breaths when you begin to panic, try to rationalise the situation.
Do you have any activities that you enjoy that might calm your nerves a bit? I find distracting myself from the negative thoughts is a really good thing... even though I don't often find the motivation to do it, but when I do it makes a huge difference.

When I'm feeling particularly anxious I love to go out in the countryside. There's just something calming about being somewhere relatively quiet and so beautiful. Do you have anywhere you can go to? When I was having a really bad few weeks last year my flatmate took me to the mountains for a weekend, and of course it didn't cure me but I was able to breath finally and I felt a lot better, just to get away from normal life for a couple of days and see things more clearly.

I wish you well hun, hope you're feeling a bit better x sorry to write so much also, I do tend to ramble.