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A friend gave me a book to read around mid-March, telling me that I had to read it and would love it. Quickly, I glanced through the description and knew she was right. It had been two years since I had finished a book (due to my mental illnesses), so I read this one a bit slowly. It quickly became one of my all time favorite books. The plot was complex (for a teen book), characters realistic, and I was able to relate with the main character. While that last point was a good thing in many ways, it also really triggered me. Why? Because she had been sexually abused herself.
Immediately, I felt my PTSD symptoms get so much worse. I was having five to eight flashbacks a day, and nightmares every night. I was constantly looking all around me, and became terrified and tense whenever I passed by or interacted with anyone (even family and close friends). My startle response has been so over exaggerated; a twig snapping or a slight tap on the shoulder causes me to scream. I have been wearing more clothes to bed than usual (I can't slap without most of my clothes on, now it's all of the - including hoodie/jacket) and I have been waking up multiple times, always feeling restless and panicked. My depersonalization has been getting progressively worse, as well. Worst of all, I cannot stop thinking about "it" and every little reminder has been pushing me close to hysterics. Only within the last two days has my mind even slowed down a bit.
At the moment, I just need a lot of support and (virtual, please!) hugs. Ideas on how to continue un-spinning my mind are welcomed. Truly, anything you can say or give I will appreciate.
Thank You,
Eri
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“It’s true, we’re all a little insane.” – Sweet Sacrifice, Evanescence
((I'm only a PM away if you ever need me))
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