Thank you for the responses. I totally agree that communications is critical. I have always had really open communication with my son and with his friends too. I used to do school lunch supervision so I know all the kids in the neighbourhood really well and they know me and like me. I feel good about that. I have had to figure out in the last few years that sometimes they play me and tell me what I want to hear. Especially when it comes to pot and alcohol use. I also think their position on any subject changes from one week to the next. One week they are all about working out and buffing up their bodies and eating healthy and the next week they are whispering about the next tunnel party. One week they are joining the military and the next week they are flying to Amsterdam.

I hear you Chris. I would feel like I was abandoning James if I didn't let him back after a while. His mother died when he was young and his dad kind of turned him out when he remarrried and had more children. It is like James doesn't belong anywhere anymore so my heart breaks for him. I think a part of me wants to fill some of the gap by caring enough to help him make better choices. Providing him a place to come where he is treated like family. I also think it won't stop my son from being friends with him and if James can't come here my son will start going out more.