Tree said it! You really are doing it! I know - it is an odd experience to feel that. But the joy is the result of you allowing yourself to process through the trauma. The body and mind MUST process these things. It will encapsulate the pain until it feels safe enough to vent it. Once the pain is vented, the result is that the mind and body will release happy chemicals to bring everything back to equal inside. You should be very proud of yourself for doing what you are doing.