I wanted to share something with you all here on PC.
I know many are also working through trauma issues with their T... and this stage is the hardest stage of healing.
Well I am on the edge of my breakthrough in the final grieving I need to process. And I am processing some other stuff too. Still a little work to do. But I wanted to share this email with you guys that I just sent my T.
I am sharing it because some of you wrote and said that it encourages you to also be open with your T and such. So this is a PERFECT example from today on how I lay my heart wide open for T. It takes work on my part because I want to shut down. And as the e-mail shows, I am still working on that. It is a process. Here is the Email:

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T,

Thank you so much for the hug today. I felt like such a looser in session today!!!
I know you don't see me that way - but sometimes when the pain is the deepest, my silly nature shows the best. I see it but have trouble stopping it. I wanted so much to do it today with you - LOL - not that!! (( there is my warped sense of humor again )) -- But I wanted to experience the total freedom of being able to finally feel the grief of loosing my father. ugggggggggssssss And I know it is the final step for me as I know now this is my deepest root of the anger Andy has. You mentioned that this week and it struck a cord with me as my truth. But on days like today when I feel like I just am not doing what I need to for healing - well for some reason the hug today made me feel still safe and not judged. I will process more on this part tonight.

I know the transference issue with you as the good father I never had... and know he never would really hug me thanks to my mom being so mad at me for him being close to me. So not sure yet why the hug today mattered so much... it always matters right now since I know it is temporary and a part of my direct therapy.... but I need to process this a bit more. Just wanted you to know how much that meant to me TODAY.

W

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Anyway, this is me with my T.