I'm in Australia and I've been on what is called here the Disability Support Pension for three years. I was a hard worker for years before that - I was one of those kids who worked during the last three years of High School, got all my Tertiary education while working in high pressure jobs. I am so grategul to have the Pension as it simply doesn't exist in most parts of the world. As Griiz said, I probably would have suicided had I not had the Pension. - I have no other means of support such as family or a life partner.

But there are two parts about which I feel yucky, Yes I do feel guilty sometimes because I am a worker by nature and I too fall for the line of thinking that says, but there are people who live with much worse illnesses or injuries than me - spinal injuries, terrible burns etc. But the thing is that this IS a serious illness (I have Bipolar and panic and anxiety disorrders as well as being a 11 years sober alcoholic). And every now and again I fall for the line of thinking, without realising I am falling into it that says - this is an illness of the mind, not the body, so it is not as bad as people with sever physical injuries. And that is SUCH ********. The suicidality - sometime with the act being completed or uncompleted, the terrible loss of functionality - the whole deal - it IS serious and I do deserve to be looked after. I have never been a malingerer, and I tried last year, with a long lead-up, heaps of help from a raft of people in the mental health profession and employment specialists to try to go back to work and I simply can't do what I did successfully for years any more.

And the other thing is that the Disability Support Pension is exctremely difficult to get in Australia (and I gather in the US) and I was, sadly of course, tick, tick, tick with all their criterial and reports from my psychiatrist. So that is an indicator in itself that I should be on it. NOTE: I also know there are people as sick as me or worse who haven't been able to get it, so I am even more grateful.

The other thing is about both grief and ego. I had a great high status career, for which I did a heap of study. I was really good at it until the end. I miss it terribly and can say 100% that I would rather be working than on the Pension. Work provides intellectual stimulation, social contact, self esteem, feelings of achievement. All gone now.

And that is along with the separation from family and friends that mental illness bring, leaves me very isolated and without the support of a social support network - which is terrible for the recovery of a mentally ill person.

So grateful I am for the Pension, but would much rather not be on it.