My T appointment today was somewhat difficult. Some past CSA issues have come up in my life (mom called to "talk about it," I totally freak out) and it's really brought me down and my OCD is flared up because of the stress and ugh.

I just can't stop thinking about everything that happened all those years ago.

And I can't seem to get the self-doubting circle to stop. T spent the whole session trying to reassure me that I did not make this up, I am not to blame, he was at fault, etc. But I already know somewhere all these things she is saying. I just am stuck in a circle of knowing and not-knowing. I doubt myself about whether I overreacted. I reassure myself. I decide I am not to blame. Then I doubt myself. I reassure myself. I decide I am not to blame. Then I doubt myself.

We went round and round in session today.

I told T, "It just doesn't stick. I just can't hold onto the truth."

I am supposed to ask myself this week these questions:

Why doesn't it stick?
What would happen if it stuck?

And I am so, totally stumped. No clue at all.

Any ideas? For those of you who get stuck on rumination wheels, ever found an answer for this? Why does it keep spinning?