Jexa,
I've been asked a similar question by my T before. What would it mean if I could believe it? (whatever it is)

Just ideas.
That if it stuck, you would have to accept that it isn't your fault, and because it isn't your fault, at that point there was nothing you could to stop it. It was out of your control.

I had to give up the what ifs..... When I did I had to admit that I could not have stopped the guy. That I couldn't have stopped it from happening. No matter how aware I was it still would have happened. And this is something I often have to go back to. Accepting it has not been a one time thing. It is something I have to fight with over and over again.

The rumination circle is insidious. I don't really know how I get out of it.

Safe Hugs to you.