I joined a new workplace 2 weeks ago. The rest of the team are women around my age. There is always some sort of assumed cultural identity that women of the same age and culture are supposed to share and I stand out like a sore thumb. I just tend to feel weird. Usually in workplaces there is a mix: some males and some people who are older or from another culture. That means that my oddities aren't as obvious because people attribute some of my behaviour to me being in a different cultural group to them.

I sat in a team-building morning tea the other day feeling really bored while the other girls enjoyed talking about dresses and various fabrics. I had absolutely no idea what they were talking about. I don't know how anyone can keep up with all these fabric names and brand names and types of ways that dresses fall.

Sometimes I just get that old feeling back where I wish I could just fit in. I've never wanted to be the centre of attention, just to not feel like I'm noticed for being different. It's a weird little war, where I wish I could take the good things about myself and keep them and discard the bad things. But it doesn't work like that. No matter what I do, I'll always be odd and the things that I like about myself (the way I analyse things, my writing, reading and love of looking around me and thinking about things) are part of what makes me different from other girls my age. Knowing that I would lose those things if I were to be part of the normal social group doesn't stop me from envying the girls around me: they just seem to have a happy, carefree life with lots of friends surrounding them.

I met one girl who I really felt a connection with and formed a close bond with, but she went back to Germany. It's weird feeling kind of alone again now... My husband and I are close friends and we talk a lot and get along really well, but it's just not the same as having a close female friend. To most other people I'm nice and they like me fine, but I'm not someone people go out of their way to include or stay in contact with... If someone else is there, they usually prefer to talk to them. I'm not good in group conversations... can't find my way in, so I sit outside looking in wanting to be accepted, but always falling short.