This is great advice from everyone. Thank you for your responses. Thanks for the book suggestion Rhapsody.

The suggestion of slow and romantic is very re-enforcing considering that's what I've been doing, however, it doesn't seem to be working. It also doesn't help that we're both thrill seekers and the best sex we've had has been in somewhat dangerous and often public places. So what about the other end of the sexual behavior spectrum?

I've heard of women that have been sexually traumatized and can only orgasm in certain situations. Like bondage, alt sex kind of stuff. These situations somewhat recreate aspects of the trauma that could have created conflicting aroused feelings without the danger and lack of consensual interaction. Considering we're both pretty kinky thrill seekers this seems like a better option given it doesn't inflict futher trauma. Has anyone had any positive or negative experiences with this?