Jex,
I recently sent and email to my T telling her that I need to hear over and over that it was not my fault because for some reason it doesn't want to stick in my mind.

She told me that even what happened with my mom wasn't my fault, it wasn't my fault for the way she treated me that it had to do with her mental illness ect. For some reason that doesn't stick either. It's like I just want to keep blaming myself or thinking there is something I should have done, there must have been something I could do to stop it.

Just the other day I tried to sit down an think of why I can't accept what she is saying. For me, I wonder if it has to do with control, I have control to hold this thing over my life. If I accept what she says, it's admitting even myself that those things really did happen and that to me feels like it would be a loss of control. sometimes when she is telling me it's not my fault ect, I think to myself, this is mine, you can't take it, don't try to take if from me, what do you know anyways. Like it's all I have left of control to what happened and I can't just give that away to someone because that too would be a loss. I know it doesn't sound logical but they are just feelings I have surrounding it.

It's definitely something that needs thought. Maybe try and sit with it and think through it as well as try to recognize the feelings that come up with those thoughts.