In WePow's thread, they talk about being honest and vulnerable with their T.

Tree said this:

It's such a paradox - I've found out that the more honest and vulnerable I let myself be with my T, the safer I end up feeling. It can be so scary to take those leaps of faith, but with a good T, it's worth it.

Yes, that IS such a paradox!! And something I am struggling with major right now. I've been with T for 2 years and 4 months, 1x weekly. So...awhile. FINALLY, a few months ago, my intense nervousness has disapated. Not totally, but a lot has. I think I mostly believe that she isn't rolling her eyes at me in frustration and is waiting for the right moment to kick me out. Mostly. I still have day s I struggle with that.

But now, I'm at a place where I am at all the hard stuff. I don't have this nervousness/fear to talk about anymore with her. We did that for two years. So now I have to talk about REAL stuff. I'm a classic avoider, and I really don't know how to talk about feelings when they are still fresh. I can report on how I was feeling in the past as long as I don't feel it anymore.

What I want to know is how on earth do you make that leap to really let yourself feel and be vulnerable with T? THe most open I am with her is in email, but I try not to do it very often. She said last week that emailing her is a way to let her know what is going on, but keeping myself distant from the emotional intensity of it all. I can let her know, and still have days to push those feelings back, so when I see her..if there is any negative repurcussions, it won't hurt nearly as bad.

I wrote out an email to T for last week's session, and instead of sending it to her, I printed it out. I brought it in, and told her that is what I did. And then never read it I couldn't.

To bring it back to the beginning of my post and Tree's quote...I wish I could believe that. What if I never do? How do you KNOW your T is ok? A good one?