My daughter told me recently that the reason she agrees to have a relationship me is because I own up to what I did. If I denied it, as my mother denies that her actions were abuse, my daughter tells me she would want nothing to do with me, but that's not the case. Thank God, daughter and I are close, and I can enjoy being grandma to her 14-month-old son and to her upcoming child. Daughter and I agree, this generation will be the one in which the abuse cycle is ended. May my grandchildren never have reason to say, "I was an abused child."

One thing I say often is, "All parents make mistakes. The good ones admit it."

I think my father honestly didn't know better; he had been abused as well and also had a mental illness. He had been diagnosed with schizophrenia, but this was during a time when anything stronger than depression was mislabeled as that. My father never heard voices or suffered delusions, but he did have extreme mood swings. I'd bet any amount of money he was actually bipolar. A correct diagnosis and proper treatment might have saved him, and protected us.

I can be forgiving toward him today ONLY because there was one brief instance when he had a moment of clarity. In the middle of a tirade, he suddenly stopped short, pulled me onto his lap, tenderly hugged me, and told me he was sorry for being that way. If he'd never done that, I don't know if I could forgive him.

Regardless of the abuser's mental condition, whether it is pure evil, mental illness, or simple ignorance, it was still abuse and still did damage, just as I did damage to my children even though I'm not a monster either.

Your father is a different story. From what you describe he is certainly a sociopath, and I wonder about my husband's father. I've never met the man, and I don't care to, after the things my husband has told me. Hubby has had virtually no contact with him since turning 18 and leaving home, and his relatives inform him that his father still hasn't changed. Another sociopath, I would guess.