Velcro, I could have written this myself! I am at exactly the same place with my T
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But now, I'm at a place where I am at all the hard stuff. I don't have this nervousness/fear to talk about anymore with her. We did that for two years. So now I have to talk about REAL stuff. I'm a classic avoider, and I really don't know how to talk about feelings when they are still fresh. I can report on how I was feeling in the past as long as I don't feel it anymore
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Deep down I know that T will be ok with the "real stuff", that he will still be there, that he will support me, and that he will not reject me, but just the thought of telling him what is going on right now fills me with fear. Sometimes I sit there and physically cant get the words. Part of me wants to tell him, but I just dont know HOW to say it. He says I have to take a leap of faith with him, so that he can prove bad things wont happen with him. Easier said than done.
I do the same as you with emails- open up more and am more expressive, but when it comes to TALKING to him I freak out. I print it out then cant get the words out when I am there. I really feel for you. T always jokes with me about this, when I say I cant tell him, he says its like I am saying "I come to a talking therapy, and you actually want me to TALK to my therapist?!"
Sorry, no advice but I am right there with you. I hope you and T can talk about this and find a way forward. Its tough
