Velcro, I think I've finally reached a point in therapy where the lump in the throat and the anvil on the chest is gone and I internally know that I can talk about anything on my mind with my T without being rejected or given the boot. I also then t get feelings and thoughts out via email first. I think for me its a way of disarming a bit before discussion them during a session. Sometimes I wish I would do that and could just experience them unrestricted during the session. After 2.5 yrs I STILL haven't figured out how to cry good or sad tears. IDK, although I feel abnormal about this, I think A LOT of people handle their emotions this way and maybe it's not a pathology, maybe its just the way we are wired.
I will say through that, especially recently, there have been times when I feel like we've had some REALLY deep "live" connections with my T. And these connections have felt wonderful. So I am now trying to just be gratiful when they occur and just try and let go of my frustration when I find that I've withheld and muted yet again.