((((((deli))))))

I totally understand that raw feeling too....i have felt that way before and came **thisclose*** to not going back...but then once i got there, I realized the hardest part was physically getting myself in the door. like, the days before i kept thinking, cancel it, cancel it, then i was like, oh --too much homework to go, then I started getting a stomach ache about 3 hours before the session, and had to leave like an hour early to go get a hot tea and look through magazines on the way, just because i felt anxious, and THEN felt like i was gonna just disintegrate in the waiting room...then once i got in the T room, and we started talking, it was just okay, it just went okay.
Because then T was just normal and we talked about not-hard stuff and i was so relieved to be able to go there feeling all exposed and yucky and then just be able to talk about day-to-day kinds of things, and not have to get right back into the really hard stuff. It made me feel like...stable and in control i guess.
I have been meaning to reply to you deli in your previous post question to me thank you so much for asking about my safety, that was just the most thoughtful thing. H and I have our troubles but it never gets out of hand or scary. he's too avoidant for that, ha. But it is a complicated relationship because he has lots of baggage and problems he carries around...just like me. But the thing is, i don't think i could be with someone who didn't understand ...stuff...you know? it just feels like we 'get' each other....but we both have a lot of work to do...