I'm out visiting my brother in Calgary for Easter weekend. It's the first time I've seen him in maybe 4-5 years - I don't really remember the last time. He's a nice guy but we're very diffferent people, he's also a lot older than me, so he wasn't around when I was growing up.

He accepts but doesn't really understand my alcoholism and why I'm strugging so much to stay sober. He's more understanding of my depression, although even there he's not really comfortable with it.

This was the first time I told him about my PTSD, and the childhood SA. It was really hard. I was crying. The poor guy so totally did not know how to react.

I asked him, hadn't he ever wondered why I'd never been in a relationship? And he said he thought I had been with this guy Dave. Dave's one of my closest friends, I've known him for 20 years, but it's strictly plutonic.

I'm glad I told my brother, because I think it'll help him understand me better. It was just really hard and scary. And it really made me want to SI. Fortunately, I don't have any tools with me.

--splitimage